Saturday, January 12, 2008

new year diatribe (me me me)

alright, seriously folks. new year. no more b.s. no more abbreviations of swear words. i'm letting it all hang out.

i was just gazing, no, glaring, into the harsh lighting of the medicine cabinet mirror, you know that unforgiving light that is only good for things like picking your teeth and removing that pesky ingrown hair from your chin, looking for grey hairs. looking for grey hairs people, that's what i was doing. granted i've been fever-ravished and bed-ridden with the flu for the last 4 days and sicker then i have been since i was about 6 years old, but i'm not sure my sweating and coughing hallucinations could even account for this sort of behavior. i mean, vanity is not especially high on my list of crutches, it's on there, sure, but it is majorly squelched by a few heavy hitters like pride and paranoia and such.

anyways... the point is, as it seems to always be, time. i am looking to denote time on my body because another year has passed and i know it's taking it's toll on me. i didn't find it in my hair, but it's there, in my semi-arthritic fingers, in my incessent under-eye circles, in the fact that i threw my back out doing a dance in th bathroom line at a bar a few days before xmas. it's in my cells and manifesting in my minds eye, it's taunting me with intention and expectation.

i need change.

it's very clear to me that complacency has all but opened the window itself to jump out, and i need to /make/force/dive on top of and wrestle into submission/ some things happen this year that i've been waiting to happen on their own. i think intention is my key word for the year, i'd like to operate with more intention, focus and perspective and less passivity, compliance and brooding. so i've made my resolution list, my intention list, and this year i intend to follow through. i intend to learn and progress and create. and i intend to make bold strokes as i go.

there you have it. wish me luck.


chantal o'keeffe said...

you threw your back out in a bathroom line at a bar?
good luck with resolutions and intent.